Stay at home Mom, working Mom, fit Mom, blog Mom, Boy mom, hockey Mom… These are Just a few of the things we are called. But, we are more than just a Mom.
Why are we just Mom’s?
You announce you’re pregnant and bam. Just like that all of a sudden. You’re a Mom, you become the embodiment of all that represents and that in itself is so exciting so new and wonderful. But, after time, you start to feel as though no one sees you as anything more than just that.
Not to say being acknowledged as a Mom is a bad thing, after all, it is one of the most amazing titles in the world you can have. (in my opinion) However when it becomes all-consuming. You can start to feel like you’ve lost yourself and who you once were before you became a Mom. That… Well that brings on a whole word of misguided feelings and questions. It’s as if you’re looking in the mirror and you can see the person starting back at you, but you no longer know them for who they once were only for the title that hangs over head now “Mom”.
I love being a Mom and love most things that come with it, (as I mentioned in my post Stop telling Moms how to feel. There are things I do not like about being a mom). That doesn’t mean, however, it should become my entire identity as a person. I know, easier said than done.
Taking on the role of Mom seems to make the rest of the world forget that we to have interests, goals, aspiration, and a personality that doesn’t involve wipping tiny butts, or carrying a crying child. But, when the world starts to view us as nothing more than that, we to start to view ourselves as nothing more than a Mom.
I bet you’re thinking “cool captain obvious, but what do we do about it?”
I wish I had a soild answer, or the perfect analogy, or even a the ability to tell the world to change the way they see us. What we can do though, what I can tell you. Is maybe we just need to remind ourselves we are more than just a Mom, maybe it’s time we talk about coming back to ourselves.
Yeah, I know sounds cliché, but bear with me.
Do you know that saying “fake it till you make it?” what if we take that and just tweak it? Just a little, instead of “fake it till you make it” how about “show it till you know it”. Are you still with me? I might be reaching here, however, the way I look at it is if you know who you are. If we take the time to reach back into ourselves and learn the person that we all are all over again, then maybe just maybe the rest of the world will too. But if they don’t, does it matter? If you have found your inner self, and can see that once again you are more than just a Mom. Well, maybe that’s good enough.
It just take a little change.
Or a lot… I guess it depends on how you look at it.
There was always this little voice in my head when I first became a Mom that would pop up when I was getting dresses or buying clothes. “You need to dress like a Mom”.
First off, what the hell is even dressing like a Mom? Does anyone really know? Like if this is a thing could I please get a detailed email and checklist because I missed the memo when I got pregnant. After a long time of getting so overwhelmed and feeling defeated by not being able to figure that out, I decided to change the way I was talking to myself. I do not need to “dress like a Mom” I am a Mom who likes to wear some cute casual clothes, my husband’s plaid shirts, and more often than not black tights (which makes finding a shirt to match 100xs easier.) Because no matter what I wear I’m still a Mom. But, one that can dress how I feel fits me and my style best, not because I feel I need to fit some mould or criteria of that.
What’s your favourite thing to do that doesn’t involve your kids? Can you remember it? No? That’s okay my friend. You can find something you love to do without them. I promise it’s okay, just because you’re a Mom, doesn’t mean you can no long have interest that doesn’t involve them.
Again easier said than done I know, now I’m not telling you to go find a babysitter and explore all the things. (I mean hey if you can, I support your choices!) But what I am saying is, if you have time before the kids wake up, or after they’ve gone to bed. Take that time, take it and use it in any “selfish” way you want. Take up painting, writing, playing video games, learn something you’ve always wanted to. Take time to discover things that get you excited and find intriguing.
Discover that spark within yourself again that was there before having kids. I’m sure just like myself you, loved all kinds of things. Once having babies you just kinda give them up maybe on purpose or maybe without noticing. Which makes us lose a little part of ourselves without noticing, so take the time you can no matter how small and find yourself a thing to do, you deserve it. After all, you spend all day watching the people you love enjoy all things so should get that opportunity too.
It might take some time.
Finding yourself honestly takes a lot of time. I’ve been working towards seeing myself as more than just a Mom for a while now. I can’t lie to you it’s not always great, you realize just how many things you’ve given up all because of preconceived notions in your own mind and thats a hard reality to deal with. As Mom’s it’s so easy to say “Well I’m a Mom now so I can’t” but can we actually not or are we just worried we shouldn’t because it’s not “something Moms do.”
Take the time and ask yourself these difficult questions, because unless it’s harmful to you, your children, or affects your ability to parent why shouldn’t you dress how you want, or be able to do things you enjoy. If you ask me, there’s no reason. Go find yourself Momma, and remember you are so much more than just a Mom.