A couple months back I wrote Confession of a Mom. Part 1 and a lot of parents resonated with it, so I thought I would share some more. So Iwill pick up where I left off.
I am not proud of the parent I was when I first became one. I was young, I was clueless, and I thought I knew everything.
By the time my oldest was a year and half old and my second was born I realized quite quickly that was not that case. That parenting meant always evolving. Always learning and accepting that things will constantly change. That you can not decide how things will be before parenting even really begins.
It took a lot of work, and reflection and I’m still not quite the parent I want to be, but I know I’m no longer the parent I was.
Sometimes I will put my kids to bed earlier than their “designated” bedtime. Why? Because some days are hard. Some days I can pour all of me into a day, and it’s just a hard day.
One that feels like it won’t end, one where the kids are “off” because they are human too and have bad days. One that I can hardly keep my cool, and they are all team temper tantrums. Now I’m not talking hours early but, an hour to a half-hour early, because we all just need to sleep a bad day away and try again tomorrow.
I will complain about my kids (obviously not to them that would be cruel) but, to my partner, or my mom friend if I need to. Why? Because sometimes kids suck. Sometimes they do thing you just can not for the life of you understand the purpose of why it happened.
For example: When my oldest two where 3 and 4 I had left them in the living room so I could use the bathroom. They were playing nicely together. They got out. Into the kitchen, pulled the deep fryer out of the bottom cupboard (we never used it so it just sat in there unplugged) and poured the oil EVERYWHERE. This took them 5 minutes.
And you best bet after I got all the oil off them, and everything in my kitchen, and the day was over I called my husband to complain while he was on his way home from work. Sometimes you just have to let it out.
I expect a certain level of behaviour from my kids. Now, I’m not talking like they need to be the best of the best all the time. But, what I do mean is. We have a very specific list of rules for life that are non-negotiable.
- Don’t lie
- Don’t steal
- Keep your hands to yourself
We have other rules, like no jumping on the bed, use your manner, be polite and while mannered when we are out and all those other things. However, at the end of the day, it is my job to raise good people. In my personal opinion, it may not be everyone’s but good people don’t lie, steal, and hit other people.
Now there can be exceptions to the rules. If your keeping a surprise party a secret it’s okay to lie then or circumstantial things like that (see Sometimes I lie to my kids.). If someone is beating you up, it’s okay to hit back to get away. (We recently had to just explain this to my daughter when she had gotten attacked at school and she just stood there and took the beating because she has always been told we keep our hands to ourselves). Stealing I can’t justify ever, if there comes a time I can be, I can’t picture it.
I don’t want my kids to be “just like me” when I was younger. Not that I was a bad person, or made awful choice. I didn’t party all the time or do drugs. I wasn’t doing bad kid things. I was quite the opposite. Now don’t get the twisted I wasn’t a bad kid but I’m not saying a was great either, yes when I was a teenager I drank with My friends here and there (and no my parents didn’t know, but my friend’s mom always knew and we were always in a safe place). And yes I tried smoking pot in high-school. (it wasn’t for me and I never understood the hype)
What I mean is I was a push over. I wore my heart on my sleeve, and I would let people walk all over me to make them happy. I did this up until a few years ago. I don’t want that for my kids, yes I want them to be loving and kind to others, but I want them to have a backbone and know when and how to use it.
I don’t want to dry the eyes of my child time and time again because they are used a pawn in other people’s games. (Hey mom if you’re reading Thanks for always picking me up and drying my eyes when this was me, I’m smiling because you love me)
I don’t always want to bring my kids every single place I go.
“You’re so mean your kids are going to read that one day and resent you” – a comment I heard from my last Confession of a Mom. Part 1 and I’m sure will hear again after that statement. But, it’s the truth. I don’t want to bring them every single place I go, and I mean really. Sometimes I need a break, some days I just want to walk through the grocery store in silence.
Some days I want to go to the bathroom without answering 150 questions while I’m in there. Think of it as you want, but sometimes I too need to not be around people. Even if they are the people I made.
Every birthday makes part of me a little sad. My kids are growing up, and time is inevitable I can’t stop it no one can. Buds is no longer Baby Button, Baby Gracie has grown into the Big Bean, Soapy is now a young lady. And In just a few days Baby Bean is going Is going to be one.
That makes me sad, it feels like only moments ago they were all so fresh and new. Like I blinked and all my babies started to grow at a rate I couldn’t keep up with. I am so incredibly proud of all the people they are growing into, and they will continue to. But, part of me is sad they can’t stay small forever. (Even if I complain about things sometimes.)
The hardest and most amazing part of being a parent is watching your child grow.
I tell my kids I’m wrong all the time. I don’t see the need in my children to think I know everything and anything. They don’t need a false idea that once you are an adult you know all there is to know.
If I teach them something and it’s wrong, or I don’t know something I’m honest with them. At which point we will either learn the right way together, or I will go out of my way to learn for them so I can teach them. This goes hand and hand with, always evolving as a parent.
It’s okay to be wrong, it’s okay to admit it and change and say “hey I didn’t know but now I do”
Having kids changed me as a person and I like me now a lot better than any other version there’s ever been of myself.
They’ve made me learn to love life in an entirely new light, they’ve shown me wonder, and what life (for me) truly means. If it wasn’t for my children, I won’t be so strong, I wouldn’t be so patient and understanding. I wouldn’t have the outlook I do.
No without my kids I wouldn’t be half the woman I am, as they grow as people every day so do I. I don’t know if I will ever tell them, just how much I needed them to become who I am. But, I will always make sure I am there to love and support them as they become the people they are meant to be.
So there it is.
10 more confessions of a mom. I hope they help someone not feel so alone in how they feel about parenting. It doesn’t matter if you say them aloud or keep them in we all have some parenting confession at the end of the day. No one is perfect and no parent is. That is life and I’m happy to share if it helps even one parent.
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