When I became a mother like many others, it completely and entirely enveloped my entire being. It felt like everything and anything I knew about my own self *poof* forgotten. It’s like all I knew was how to be a wife and mother. And I was okay with this for a while, however, an emptiness came creeping up on me, which eventually left me feeling very lost.
Now, before your mind runs off and potentially assumes the worst. (like I know mine would after reading that) I love being a wife and mother, and those things absolutely have become a part of my personality. A part that I adore about myself.
The problem was I was nothing more than that, I didn’t let myself be. That was my entire personality and being. Which in turn made me feel the need to be the “perfect” mother and “perfect” wife. Which is impossible because those two things don’t realistically exist. I was just constantly comparing and beating myself down.
Denying myself the option of what I was perceiving as “failure” or, anything less than what I thought “perfect” should be. This was causing me much more harm than good. One could argue it was actually driving me farther away from this image I had in my mind.
I had to accept that it wasn’t possible to be perfect.
About six months before I got pregnant with my third I realized, that perfect wasn’t real. I was draining myself, and neglecting who I was as a person; forgetting who I was in the process.
So I started taking time again to find the things I liked. Doing things I once enjoyed before I got pregnant and trying new things. Now, I won’t sit here and try to tell “it was so easy” because it wasn’t.
I held a lot of mom guilt because of this, every time I would go for a walk without my kids. Or I would decide I was going to go work out and leave my husband upstairs with our children. This Mom Guilt would wash over me because I felt like I was letting them down, or being selfish to both my husband my children. When obviously that was not the case, I had just made this idea in my head that it was.
That journey for me started about 4 1/2 years ago now, and there are still days I struggle. I still have to remind myself that I can do things, things that serve myself. That I do not need to be a perfect mother or a perfect wife and that I am my own person outside of that.
The things is however.
Once you start looking for yourself outside of motherhood you may find that you, may not even be the person you were before becoming a mom. It can feel like you are discovering an entirely new person, and that I’m itself can feel scary. But the things is, if you start to look at it as an opportunity to meet yourself all over again. You may come to find it as a blessing.
I’m not saying throw away every inch of who you used to be. What I am saying is, ultimately motherhood does change you, wether you want it to or not. So when we do go searching for who we now are (if you need too) you may just find a whole new person.
I went from being an extremely social-able person whom, took every opportunity to try and have those around me be happy. (I was the first to lend a hand, and often got walked all over and then shoved aside.) After becoming a mother I learned that I can be helpful, and social-able but also have boundaries and set a standard for myself. To know my worth, honestly I can contribute this to knowing that yes other people may “need me” but my children, my marriage, and myself come first. All the other people and situations in my life come second.
This was a good thing, because I needed to learn this. I’m sure my parents are finally happy I did. -I can’t I count the number of times I would go to my mom upset growing up because I had put myself in a situation. That if I had just set boundaries, it wouldn’t have happened.
All in all there’s no point in stressing about the past, all I can do is learn from my mistakes and past self. which is what I have done. I took all of the things I had learned, all of the things I knew and loved about myself and grew. I took the time to relearn myself all over again to reiginght that fire with in myself. My passions and intrest have changed but I learned that the time I set aside for myself, and the things I pour into can be more than just being a mother and wife.
Now it’s understandably hard to know where to start.
Because it can feel so daunting to look at the situation at hand and find which direction to even start; when trying to find who you are outside of a mother and wife. It can be done, start small. Don’t jump in head first, becasue you can begin to feel overwhelmed and back out, revert back to where you started or even feel more lost than in the first place. Dip your toe in start with one thing at a time, maybe try an activity you’ve always wanted, or buy yourself an outfit that makes you feel like you. do the small things firts.
Take sometime to think of all that you want for yourself, all the things that you love about who you are, the little things wht you want to work on. Self growth is one of the bigest forms of self love. It can be so powerful, and healing there is nothng wrong with look at parts of yourself and acknowladging you need to make change or shift. That maybe you need to add something or take a part of you away that makes you feel any less than how amazing you truly are. Once you open this gate, you will see yourself flood back in.
I can’t sit here and tell you have too or even exactly how to. But what I can say, is if you are like so many mothers, who feel lost within motherhood. Take the time a revisit yourself, learn who you are all over again. You are worth it, and are so much more than just a wife and mother.
If you enjoyed todays blog post I encourage you to check out You aren’t a bad mom.or You are more than just a “Mom”. Follow my social media for extras. Or sign up for the email list to receive an email monthly about what’s to come for that month on the blog.
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