We have all been there. Sometimes it feels like that’s all we can do, it feels like finding the good in ourselves and our capabilities is just impossible. As a mother, a partner and a person.
Now I wish I could just tell you, that all you have to do is “think positive and it will fix it all.” If that were the case well I wouldn’t be here writing this- and you wouldn’t have decided to read it.
There are so many things we can do to stop beating ourselves up, but so many of them feel so much easier said than done. My mind leads back to “just think positive and the rest will follow” Which I am guilty of saying.. often. However, as cliche as it sounds, sometimes it really doe help.
So what do I mean?
Not in the sense of ignoring all the issues and your own thoughts, and shoving toxic positivity down your own throat.
But looking at a situation you might be struggling with. Or beating yourself up over, and instead of picking yourself apart over what you could have/should have done. Look at the situation, and pull out the things you are happy with, what did go right, what you know you couldn’t have changed even if you wanted to and be okay with that.
Sometimes we overlook the good parts of a situation and block them out because we are so focused on what we need to do to “do better”. Or that we need to change this, that, and the next thing about ourselves.
By breaking down our situation
and turning what we first saw as a “terrible day, event, situation, or what ever it was” we can change the own narrative in our head. Into one that wasn’t as bad as we thought, and or realize it was actually a really good one.
Now there are going to be things that we can’t exactly turn into a great event. A child throwing a tantrum for example. At the end of the day you might look back at it and think “I should have just given them what they wanted” or “I was so embarrassed why does my child do this?” “We were having a good day, what did I do to make them have a meltdown, or how could I stop them from doing it again?”
Some of these are valid, you are allowed to feel embarrassed. Not that a child having a tantrum should be see as embarrassing, however sometimes you can’t help but feel some sort of way when you are the parent carrying the screaming child out of Walmart. I get it I’ve been there too.
But, taking all the blame and deciding that you are the problem, or the reason this happened: A) doesn’t fix the situation and B) only makes you feel like you are carrying guilt for something that occasionally just happens. Little people have big feelings they don’t always know how to deal with and sometimes it ends in a tantrum.
The same goes for things like:
burning dinner, forgetting that there was something scheduled on the calendar and you forgot. Yes, it sucks. Yes, it can make you feel silly, or whatever other word you want to use in that situation. But, these things happen, and it’s a lot easier (and in our better interest) to laugh it off, shake it off, and go with the flow. You can make something else, have a snacky dinner and a picnic on the living room floor and now burnt dinner is fun.
Reschedule the appointment and maybe look at your calendar and what’s coming next think of other ways you could go about remembering when and what things are coming. I personally have multiple calendars around my house, and apps on my phone to remind me of things, I forget things a lot if it’s not in the daily routine so I find it helpful to be constantly reminded.
All in all
Even though sometimes as ridiculous as it sounds we really do need to laugh it off and look at the positives or the “it is what it is” side of things and try and move forward. Yes, days are going to suck, and no not everything in life can be positive. But there’s no reason to drag ourselves down when we are trying our hardest.
One day the things we get upset about now won’t always seem as so upsetting we may even laugh at our last selves. That’s not to say the way we feel in these situations isn’t valid, but being able to remind ourselves that we don’t need to beat ourselves up over them is important.
And just a little reminder for all you parent out there.
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