There’s no shame in needing help

My two-year-old was screaming because I couldn’t pick her up, the baby just puked down my back, and the big kids needed me right that minute to get them the 6th snack of the hour. Not one thing went my way all day, and I felt like I had done it all wrong. It all just hit me at once, I couldn’t hold it in any longer I just started to cry, turned to my husband and screamed “I lied, I need help.” He wasn’t helping because he didn’t want to or couldn’t but because I spent the entire day trying to do everything by myself. Telling him not to do anything so he could just rest while he wasn’t feeling good. After all, we needed him to get better since he’s the one that leaves the house to work. That’s what I needed from him, or so I thought, and even though he fought me on it. I fought harder.

My biggest flaw is when I think I can handle it all, I will. I will not ask for help, I will not let anyone know I’m struggling, and fight like hell to keep up that façade. But like on this day. Sometimes it backfires, I mean I’m only human and I have limits too. (Even if I try to pretend, they don’t exist.) They do, and sometimes something has to happen to humble me and remind me, just because I’m a mom doesn’t mean I’m superhuman… That would be nice though.

So okay, why am I telling you this?

Well friend, because if your life anything like me. you need that humbling reminder that help is okay. Help is more than okay, help is part of life. You don’t need to try and do it all yourself. If that’s how it was meant to be there would be that cute corny little saying “It takes a village” when someone talks about raising kids. ( I would also like to note here, I’m not saying that everyone in your life is entitled to help you, what I’m saying is asking for help and/or excepting helping help is okay and nothing to feel Mom guilt about or ashamed of.)

There are so many things we can do to ask for help which is great, but what about when we don’t want to ask outright? Because sometimes I need help, but my pride and I aren’t going to go around asking. Well! I’m happy you asked. We will get to that too!

First things first.

When I first became a mom, it took me a long… I mean a very long time to admit when I needed help with my kids. Because I had my first child so young, and out of wedlock I had this idea in my head that I had something to prove to everyone and their neighbour. Now I know, was ridiculous but it made sense to me at the time. So I just struggled in silence going a couple days without showering, because I couldn’t find a moment to, so confused on things about parenting, and I just felt so lost. Once I accepted I was hindering myself by not asking for help at times, and that asking for help made me a better mom not a bad one. Things became a lot easier. (I still have my days I don’t want I ask though) But, those people who have stuck around and truly care about you, probably won’t mind sitting with the baby for ten minutes so you can get a shower, or eat without trying someone grabbing at your food.

That goes for the flip-side too. When people (most people there’s always that one arse-hole) offer help, they aren’t offering it because they think you can’t. Or they don’t think your good parent, they care for you and can see that you’re a person who sometimes needs help. They just want to help, and it’s okay to let them when you need it. You don’t need to feel any mom guilt because of that. I promise.

Alright, glad we got that part covered.

So what about things that you don’t need necessarily need to ask a person to help with, but you still have no clue where to start, what to do or how to get there? I am happy to share.

Let’s start with the tried and true! Pinterest That place oh mama she is a gold mine of information. When I’m stumped on what activity I should do with the kids I’m hoping on there and looking around. It’s guaranteed I will find something. There’s everything on there, something for everyone and every category.

Now, let’s talk about the fact that sometimes it’s not only help with the kids we need. For me, makeup is a struggle. I do a little wing with my eyeliner, a bit of mascara, maybe some eyebrows if it’s a good day and that’s about it. Very rarely am I throwing on a full face of makeup. Not even for lack of time, but I really have no clue what I’m doing when it comes to it. So off to YouTube, I go, Wrights Beauty has some really amazing tutorials on makeup looks. If you need some inspiration or just some actual help on doing your makeup like me. I highly suggest you check it out, you won’t be let down.

When I need help with cooking. More often than not if I’m being honest I call my mom. At 25 years old I think I bother her more now than I ever did as a kid. For the peer fact, now I know she’s full of great things to say, and I was clearly wrong for thinking otherwise back then. But, when I can not call her, I will ask good old Google. I mean who doesn’t ask Google things in this day and age. Non the less it’s always a nice reminder that it’s okay, not to know things and have to look them up.

So lastly I will mention, there’s also another route when needing help. Just like when your car breaks down and you call a mechanic there are people who are for hire to do odd jobs. Most of the time they are willing to work for a reasonable price, and you don’t have to figure out how to do it. Check your local listings if this is something that interests you. If you living in Canada and are in the GTA I highly suggest looking into 500for100 she’s on a mission to do 500 odd jobs for $100 each. If there’s something you just can’t or don’t want to do check out her site and see if this is a way to get that help you need. I do highly suggest reading her story and goal, I think it is brilliant.

What I’m saying is.

At the end of the day it’s okay to need to help, even though as moms and parent in general we want to pretend we are superhuman. We need to be reminded that we aren’t, and we don’t have to try to be. Parenting is hard, cooking is hard, life is hard. No one is expected to struggle alone. Not even the person who always hands out the help, you too can ask for some help when you need it.

You are not less of a Mother/parent/or person for needing help. You are human.

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